Satisfyer Love Triangle on a rainbow piece of fabric

Satisfyer Love Triangle Review: A C- in Geometry

The Satisfyer Love Triangle is a Slice of Disappointment Pie:

Ah, Satisfyer…we meet again. After reviewing the Yummy Sunshine, I honestly have to say that I had high hopes for whatever my next Satisfyer toy wound up being. Sure, they’re ethically a nightmare and their marketing is so bad it inspired me to write a 5,000 word critique of it, but the Yummy Sunshine was at least a good, solid toy. It was a shameless copy of the Fun Factory Tiger, yeah, but even though I felt morally compromised using it, it was at least a genuinely good vibrator. But the Satisfyer Love Triangle? I did NOT enjoy using this toy at ALL.

I discovered my main reason for struggling to enjoy the Satisfyer Love Triangle early on was that I couldn’t figure out how to correctly use the controls. But, even after learning how to correctly control the toy, it still didn’t appeal to me very much. While I could begrudgingly get myself to orgasm with this toy, it did absolutely nothing at all for my partner. So, despite accounting for my user error initially compromising my experience, this toy still isn’t going to be in me and my partner’s regular rotation of sex toys.

For more details, read on!

 

Design Notes for the Dorito of Disappointment:

I think the name “Love Triangle” is another example of Satisfyer playing on the concept of threesomes and giving a toy a cringey name, which is a similar theme in their other products. Sure, the toy is a triangle, and maybe you’re…in love with it….making love to it…something unbearably tacky like that. But, my thought is that the love triangle involves the vibration and air pulse as the first two parties in the threesome, and then you’re the third party….so it makes a triangle…a love triangle…whatever, I could also just be reading too much into it.

Packaging for the Satisfyer Love Triangle

I think the triangle shape was honestly a pretty good call, despite my general disdain for the toy itself. It feels very sturdy and easy to grasp, and I do like how it feels when I’m just holding it—like a worry rock or a nice, smooth pebble. If I had been seeking a pleasant object to just hold in my hand, this would’ve made my day. However, I wanted a sex toy that actually felt good, not a paperweight.

Awkward button placement on the Satisyfer Love Triangle.
Awkward button placement.

The toy may be nice to hold, but it’s an ergonomic nightmare. It’s impossible for me to discern the buttons when trying to use the toy, and I constantly have to remove the toy from my clit, peer at the buttons and adjust the setting, then return it to my clit…and repeat. This unpleasantly interrupts the overall masturbation experience, and is as inconvenient as it is annoying. I also often felt like I had to repeatedly press the buttons in order to get them to respond correctly. To top it all off, the button placement is super unnatural, and doesn’t connect easily to where my thumb would be at any angle I might choose to hold this toy at.

Awkward button placement on the Satisyfer Love Triangle.
Awkward button placement at another angle.

Regarding the rest of the design, the toy is available in either white or black, and the metal strip holding the control panel is rose gold on both the white and black models. It has a generously sized silicone tip that comfortably encapsulates my clitoris, and it comes with a convenient travel cap to cover the silicone tip. I do like the travel cap a lot, as it’s genuinely useful, pops off and on really easily, and stays sturdily in place. The bulk of the toy (aside from the silicone tip) is made from ABS plastic.

Satisfyer Love Triangle Design Criticism:

I think that this toy has some major quality issues in design, as when the vibration patterns are running, you can see the center power button moving ON ITS OWN in pulse with the vibrations. It felt like there was a shitty ghost controlling this shitty vibrator in the room with me. Like, the power button moved so visibly that it really did look like someone invisible was pressing it.

The toy is also really loud and rattly. My partner was in the bedroom fiddling with the settings while I sat out in our living room typing on my laptop, and I could distinctly hear it. I wasn’t craning an ear to make an effort to listen to it, it was just LOUD all on its own. Overall, the toy gave an impression of just being cheap, despite its efforts to have a high-class design aesthetic.

While there are many things about this toy that I think suck (that aren’t just the air pulse function), I do have to give credit where credit is due. The Satisfyer Love Triangle is rechargeable using a magnetic USB charging cable, and it is also fully waterproof. These things are both good. Hooray…I guess.

Satisfyer Love Triangle next to its removed cap.
The cap is a really good design element, I will admit.

Trying to Cum with the Crab Rangoon of Sadness:

My partner and I were both immediately, extremely disappointed by this toy. While this may be my first air pulse toy, my dissatisfaction with it isn’t a result of me being a foolish amateur to the sucking/pulsating sensation. No, it’s because when I first used this toy, I felt as though I was getting about as much “air pulse stimulation” as I would if I spread my legs beneath my ceiling fan and just laid there.

I knew that this couldn’t be right. Perhaps, I decided, it was a result of me doing something wrong with the controls. Frustrated with the manual controls, I figured this would be a good opportunity to give the app a shot.

Satisfyer’s App Control System:

As is standard for me, I downloaded the app to my iPad so I could take advantage of the larger screen while using the app. The process of connecting the toy to the app was quite painless, and the app itself is relatively intuitive to use. Well…relatively.

So, I connected the toy to the app in order to control it that way. I was able to fumble around with the settings in the app enough that I was shocked by how powerful it kicked up to be—it was like a completely different toy! When I connected the toy to the app and controlled it that way, I was successfully able to have a pretty fucking good orgasm thanks to the considerable strength of the air pulse. But then, when I tried to replicate this experience on my partner using the app…I couldn’t??? Despite doing everything the same, I couldn’t push the toy past a certain threshold of strength. This was really frustrating, and I still…really don’t understand why it happened.

I’m not a fool, and for the situations in which there is something I genuinely don’t understand, that’s where my partner usually steps in to help me. But my partner and I couldn’t figure out what we were doing wrong. We fumbled with the app for nearly 20 minutes, but we couldn’t get back to the setting I had found. I kept trying to drag the line up on the control screen of the app, but it still didn’t work. This sucked and my ADHD sent me into an extremely grumpy state as a result.

Awkward button placement on the Satisyfer Love Triangle.
Another photo to show how awkward the button placement is.

The app has a lot of neat features, such as being able to create your own patterns, sync the vibrator to music or other noise, and of course allowing a partner be able to control the toy remotely. The app isn’t bad, it’s intuitive enough and responds well. But, in my situation…some parts of it just didn’t make sense and didn’t want to work.

There’s no reason for an app to work sometimes but not all the time, and rather than blaming it on me being ignorant, the app should be catering to me as the lowest common denominator. Which, sometimes, is me. After all, if I can’t figure out how to reliably use the app while giving it my full attention, how could I possibly be able to use it with ease during sex?

An Arby’s Potato Cake That Hates Me:

I think the reason that I’m most annoyed by this toy is because I KNOW that it has the potential to be good. That air pulse orgasm I received once I was able to turn up the intensity in the app was fucking fantastic. But…I struggled to enjoy it because I was too pissed off at the toy by that point. Even worse, I couldn’t reliably replicate that experience for my partner. In theory, I know this toy has the potential to be good, because I experienced it at one of its best moments. But if I struggle with the controls in trying to return to that high, what’s the point???

The Satisfyer Love Triangle reminds me of why I hated geometry in high school. Not only am I having to do some bullshit with a triangle, but I’m in a situation where I don’t understand what to do and I’m getting frustrated and giving up as a result. Even worse, feeling like I had small breakthroughs here and there with the app made it even more frustrating. It’s one thing to write a toy off as simply being weak and shitty, but it’s another to KNOW a toy has potential and not be able to easily tap into it.

Ruh-Roh! Plot Twist! I’m the Problem!

After some more extensive reviewing, it turned out that I was (to some extent) the problem for not being able to properly control the Satisfyer Love Triangle. I had started writing this review when I was still in the dark about how to actually control the toy, but I left a good chunk of my original draft up for posterity. After all, isn’t the real sex toy review the mistakes we made along the way?

Since the vibration aspect of the Love Triangle is controlled by repeatedly pressing the squiggle button, I assumed that the same method applied to the air pulse function. The buttons were lined up with the vibration control on top, the power button in the middle, and what I thought was a singular air pulse control button on the bottom. Apparently, I was wrong, and the power button controls not only the power and app connectivity, but also functions as the button you press to increase the air pulse intensity.

Satisfyer Love Triangle nozzle

Can you really blame me for my mistake? I mean, yes, this is maybe an example of me being stubborn, but my partner soothed my ego by telling me the instructions weren’t very helpful or informative in the first place.

So, for the record, here are the actual controls for the Love Triangle:

  • Center button: Press and hold to turn toy on or off. Press to increase air pulse settings. There are 11 air pulse intensity settings altogether
  • Bottom button: Lower the intensity of the air pulse.
  • Top button: Press to turn on vibration; press to cycle through ten vibration settings (three intensity settings and seven patterns).

Okay, so now that I’ve established how the toy actually works, I can continue writing an actual review of this thing.

Twisted Again: I Am Only PART of the Problem

HA! Gotcha, because just because I figured out how to use the toy doesn’t mean that now I like it all of a sudden!

Even after figuring out how to correctly use the toy, the “air pulse” often felt more like generic vibrations as opposed to any unique air pulse sensation—and this was with the vibration function turned off. I hated the vibration settings as soon as I tried them out, and found them to just be annoyingly buzzy. The vibrations are very strong, don’t get me wrong, but that doesn’t mean they’re pleasant to experience.

A look at the inside of the Satisfyer Love Triangle's nozzle.
A look at the inside of the Satisfyer Love Triangle’s nozzle.

As I alluded to when discussing my experience with the app controls, the air pulse on the Love Triangle DOES get very strong when it’s at its upper settings. Its lower settings, as I also alluded to earlier, are so weak that again, you may as well just blow a fan on your genitals for as much stimulation as it provides.

Despite it being able to reach impressive strength on its higher settings, the Love Triangle is not a toy that I would choose to use for extended, isolated masturbation sessions. This toy doesn’t have the ability to get me anywhere on its own—the successful orgasms I had involving the Love Triangle involved pushing myself up to the very edge using other toys, and then quickly switching in the Love Triangle for that final push to make me orgasm.

The Love Triangle simply wasn’t enjoyable for me. I was able to orgasm, but really, I was kind of fucking mad about it. It wasn’t that the air pulse function was necessarily bad. Rather, it was that the air pulse alone was either too weak on one end, or an instant, overstimulating ticket to a reluctant orgasm on the other. It feels like oral sex in the sense that my clit is the straw in a 32oz Taco Bell cup and the Love Triangle is aggressively sucking on it to try and get the last drops of Baja Blast off of the ice cubes at the bottom. That is, it works, it’s strong, I feel it, but it’s not particularly enjoyable.

More Criticisms of the Satisfyer Love Triangle:

The Love Triangle also tries to market itself as being a compromise for users who are unsure if they will enjoy the air pulse sensation or not, which is why it offers the vibration option as well. The vibration, though, isn’t worth my time. It’s too buzzy, and as soon as I put the vibrations on my clit I just want to remove it in favor of something else.

Since I have a clit that sticks out more (although I wouldn’t call it huge), I didn’t have an issue with the nozzle of the Love Triangle fitting around it correctly. However, my partner’s clit is smaller than mine, as well as being more buried and hidden. We typically refer to it as having a little house that it hides in.

Satisfyer Love Triangle

Anyway, when the Love Triangle was placed over my partner’s clit, they reported feeling no concept of an air pulse at all, and described what they were feeling as “just generic vibrations.” Even on the highest air pulse setting, my partner just wrinkled up their nose and shrugged in boredom. So, if you have a similar clitoral anatomy, this toy is likely to be similarly disappointing for you.

Final Thoughts on the Satisfyer Love Triangle:

This toy left me ultimately feeling frustrated. Not sexually frustrated, just annoyed by buzzy vibrations, confusing controls, and an overall “meh” experience. Sure, it can make me orgasm, but I don’t feel good about it when I do orgasm. Again, I just feel annoyed. This isn’t a toy I would choose to use repeatedly if not for the sake of needing to carry out multiple tests for the sake of writing a thorough review.

While I could at least orgasm from it, the Love Triangle wound up doing absolutely nothing for my partner as it was incompatible with their clitoral anatomy. I’m still curious about the other air pulse toys in Satisfyer’s line up, but I ultimately just feel bitterly disappointed with the Love Triangle.

Satisfyer Love Triangle

I appreciate Betty’s Toy Box for giving me this toy in exchange for an honest review, especially since there aren’t very many other reviews of this specific toy out there on the internet right now. To be fair, though, the other reviews I did find rated this toy more positively than I did, so if you would like to purchase a Love Triangle of your own, you can purchase one here and get 10% off if you use the code “IZZY.”

Disclaimer: I received this product in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links have been used in this post.

7 comments

  1. “Overall, the toy gave an impression of just being cheap, despite its efforts to have a high-class design aesthetic.”

    I have a couple of their bullshit fancy “luxury” models and I noticed that, too–the buttons are placed loosely enough to rattle and the overall effect is…not great?

    Also I love your descriptions. “the Crab Rangoon of Sadness.” Deceased.

  2. Maybe that’s why they stopped making the potato cakes >_>

    Anyway, cute visually, but otherwise a disappointment… like so many of the rest of their items.

    1. WHAT NOOOO I HAD A POTATO CAKE REALLY RECENTLY!!! At least where I live Arby’s still has potato cakes on the menu D:

      And yeah oof that really sums it up :/ it’s a shame that their visuals are so much more consistent than their performance

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *