My Thoughts on Perhaps the Most Iconic Vibrator Ever, The Magic Wand:
What new commentary could I possibly bring to a review about the Magic Wand? While the Magic Wand Rechargeable is the newest model available, the famed Magic Wand has been around since before I was born. It’s earned a reputation as being a legendary vibrator in pop culture, in other bloggers’ reviews, hell, even the fucking New York Times recommended the Magic Wand Rechargeable as a top vibrator pick.
But, despite the ubiquitous nature of this sex toy, the fact remains that every body is, in fact, still different. So, this review is going to go deep into my personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings because like….everyone fucking knows what the Magic Wand does already. Press button, explode genitals. Bzzzzzzz.
Read on for a very special Magic Wand Rechargeable review written by me and my very special genitals!
First Impressions of the Magic Wand Rechargeable:
The first time I tried out the Magic Wand Rechargeable, I’ll admit–I was seized up by terror. Terror, not because I had just experienced an orgasm that blew my mind and altered my worldview, but terror because the infamous Magic Wand, cure of anorgasmia, hailed and revered vibrator of the gods, legend of 80’s feminist sex shop awakenings, lovable mascot of sex toy enthusiasts everywhere, this Magic Wand…didn’t really do it for me.
I admit, I probably set my expectations too high for this toy.
Getting Accustomed to the Magic Wand:
During my first endeavor with the Magic Wand, I spent about 15 minutes waiting for something to happen, trying out the different intensities and patterns, and while I was following the same pattern of masturbation that I normally do, it just…wasn’t working. My clit and vulva felt numb, and perhaps it was just anxiety in the moment preventing me from orgasming, but…what if it wasn’t?
I’m writing this review after yet another encounter with the Magic Wand, one of many that I’ve had since purchasing the toy. It does its job, don’t get me wrong. After my initial failure the very first time I used it, I tried again 20 minutes later or so using the toy with a towel serving as a barrier between the head of the wand and my genitals, which had a much better result.
Even though I’ve made great strides figuring this toy out since I first tried it, I still feel kind of…oof. I have really mixed feelings on it, honestly.
Analyzing the Magic Wand:
The orgasms I receive from the Magic Wand can be intense, they can result in guttural noises, they often feel like something is being exorcised from my body…but they don’t always feel fulfilling in the same way that orgasms I experience from other sex toys do. Orgasms with the Magic Wand sometimes feel like something has been taken from me. Using it feels like trying to perform CPR on my clitoris. I’m begging it to feel something, and I know I’ll wind up feeling it eventually, but god, is it really worth it at the end?
I believe this is due to the nature of the vibrations, as to me they feel a lot more buzzy and surface level, which isn’t to say they’re inferior or poor. They’re definitely some of the strongest vibrations out there, and they will usually result in me having an orgasm. But it’s not always a GOOD orgasm. It’s often an orgasm in the way that a protein shake is a meal. I’m not hungry anymore, but I’m usually not truly satisfied either.
Maybe I’m the Problem :
Honestly, I feel like some of my trouble with using this toy is that since I know it has the strongest vibrations, I’ll use the Magic Wand without being properly warmed up first.
This is essentially like diving into a frigid swimming pool immediately after waking up. You’ll feel it! But it won’t be as nice as if you were entering a heated pool after being awake for awhile.
The best orgasms I’ve had with the Magic Wand have been when I’ve had the opportunity to use a less intense toy, such as the We-Vibe Tango on low, to warm up, then reach a point of frustration where the Magic Wand is going to be the only thing that will successfully get me off. Often, this also happens as a result of the tragically short lifespan of the We-Vibe Tango and my failure to regularly charge it. The Magic Wand can be used while charging, but since after each completed charge it has a battery life ranging from 3 to 4 1/2 hours, odds are you won’t have to.
Using the Magic Wand:
Regardless of how aroused or warmed up I am at the start of a masturbation session with the Magic Wand, my clit/vulva always feel pretty toasted afterwards. It’s easy to start to feel a little numb when using the Magic Wand, but moving the wand around while in use helps to alleviate this problem. I also never use the Magic Wand on my bare genitals, I always have at least my underwear on in between the wand and myself.
This isn’t a statement I swear by, but since I use the Magic Wand through my pants, there have also been a few occasions where after the fact I feel like I’ve given my genitals rug burn. Again, this is just anecdotal experience! But I definitely have felt unpleasantly raw several times after using the Magic Wand.
Orgasms with the Magic Wand at their best feel like something has been ripped from me, and tend to leave me wheezing like a spooked horse or someone who has just surfaced after being underwater for a long time…perhaps the swimming pool analogy again. The emotion is pretty accurately conveyed by the “RISE!!!!” Elmo meme. A killer orgasm with the Magic Wand makes me feel like a demon has been exorcised from me.
When I asked my partner what their thoughts on the Magic Wand were, they said “When I use it, I feel like the orgasm is taken from me whether I want to have it or not.” Which….yeah, pretty accurate.
My partner and I don’t reach for this toy during partnered sex. That might just be an “us” thing. The Magic Wand is super common in a lot of porn, but…for me, the Magic Wand is for when I want to have an orgasm, alone, in less than five minutes. It’s a clit-obliterator, and I don’t want my clit obliterated within the first five minutes of partnered sex. As another note, when we tried to fit it between our bodies (like I had seen in porn before), it didn’t work for us in that context either.
Benefits of the Magic Wand:
While its power sometimes makes me feel like I’ve been put out to pasture and like my clit is numbed completely, a lot of the time the Magic Wand is also what I reach out for a lot of the time simply because…I’m lazy.
I can rely on the Magic Wand to make me orgasm, even if I have to turn it up to its max intensity, which is a relief since my bipolar symptoms often get in the way of having the orgasms I want to have. I also use the Magic Wand on top of my clothes, and having my clothes as a barrier means I don’t have to clean the Magic Wand after each use. Like I mentioned before, its seemingly endless battery life is also a huge perk, especially considering the combination of my work schedule and general mental health hell often results in me not keeping on top of charging my other vibrators.
I suppose I forgot to do a quick run-down of the Magic Wand Rechargeable’s features, so I’ll do that now.
First of all, I want to clarify that the Magic Wand Rechargeable is the more expensive version of the Magic Wand Plus…but it doesn’t have THAT many more bells and whistles. The Magic Wand Rechargeable costs $130ish, it is…obviously…rechargeable, and it has four intensity settings and four pattern settings. The Magic Wand Plus costs $100ish, has to remain plugged in while you’re using it, has four intensity settings, but does NOT have any patterns.
Both vibrators have the teeth-rattling intensity associated with the Magic Wand name, but the Plus is a significantly more budget friendly option. Both the Rechargeable and the Plus have silicone heads and 6’ long charging cables. Regarding the four settings, the intensity levels are the same between the two models, so if you just want a strong vibrator, you can’t go wrong with either option.
The Magic Wand, in any incarnation, is fucking HUGE. This makes storage kind of a pain, and also makes it unwieldy during partnered sex. I like that it has a large handle and easy to press buttons, though.
It’s also fucking heavy. If anyone ever breaks into my apartment, I plan on reaching for the Magic Wand as my first line of defense. Seriously, I think it’s possible to beat someone to death with this thing. It makes me feel like I’m holding a fucking baseball bat whenever I pick it up.
You’ve Heard About my Pussy and My Crack, What About my Neck and Back?
Initially, I really wanted the Magic Wand less for sex reasons, but moreso because I constantly struggle with back, neck, and shoulder pain as a result of my shitty posture and my less-than-ergonomic setup at my 40 hour a week desk job. I had hoped that, as a personal massager, the Magic Wand would ease my aching muscles. I’m most devastated to report that it let me down in this area as well.
The Magic Wand feels too irritatingly tingly and buzzy to really provide the relief I crave for my pain. When I try and put it on my shoulders, it literally makes me feel like my teeth are rattling around in my skull. As a general rule, I don’t want my face or teeth to feel like they’re rattling.
Writing this, I’m so fucking sad. My shoulders are hurting so bad RIGHT NOW, but I know the Magic Wand can offer me no relief. I will drop a few of my favorite tips, though:
- Roll-on BioFreeze (or a store brand alternative). This stuff regularly saves my life.
- Homemade heating pads designed and sewn by my craft-inclined partner. While my partner is fucking amazing and awesome and made me a special hand sewn heating pad for Christmas, you can achieve the same results by filling a long sock with rice, tying off the end, and microwaving it for 2-3 minutes. After it’s heated up, wrap it in a towel and place it wherever you’re experiencing pain. Note, DO NOT combine a heating pad with BioFreeze because the BioFreeze directions say “don’t do that!”
- Rolling ball massager. These things feel splendid and have also saved my life on many occasions.
For more tips about sex toys and back pain, I highly recommend reading QueerEarthling’s full blog post on the subject!
I feel so bad writing this review. I feel so torn. It’s inherently anti-feminist of me to say this, but I feel like a feminist failure for not absolutely loving the vibrator that blazed a path to orgasms for my feminist foremothers. I guess I can’t feel bad about not liking everything that people enjoyed in the ‘70s—for example, Jello is good, I guess, but really it’s only just okay. And in the same way, I feel the same way about the 2020 Magic Wand that I do about 2020 Jello—it’s good, I guess. But really…it’s only “just okay” for me.
If someone took my Magic Wand Rechargeable away from me and gave me $140, with the option to buy a replacement Magic Wand or just buy something else instead…I might buy something else instead.
I wanted this toy to be amazing and blow my mind, but it’s still not a favorite for me. So many people out there love this toy and have given it 100% 10/10 reviews across the board, but I can’t. Not right now, at least. Its vibrations are more of a means to an end than an experience to be savored for me. Most tragically, they don’t soothe my achy muscles in the way I had hoped they would either.
Maybe I still need some time to get used to the Magic Wand Rechargeable. But for now, it’s my nuclear option. It’s my “you’re going to have an orgasm whether you like it or not you sad piece of shit” vibrator. But it’s not my rainbows and sunshine and pure wholehearted joy vibrator. For a lot of people, it is! But for me…it just isn’t. And my shoulders are even sadder to admit this truth than my clitoris is.
- Disclaimer: I purchased the Magic Wand Rechargeable with my own money. Affiliate links have been used in this post.