St. Patrick’s Day Green Sex Toy Roundup
Oh hey! It’s almost St. Patrick’s Day! I’m not really doing anything to celebrate, seeing as we’re still in the middle of a global pandemic and I’ve never been a huge St. Patrick’s Day enthusiast in the first place. Usually, I would ignore this holiday, but this year I thought to myself: why not use St. Patrick’s Day, a green-themed holiday, as an opportunity to showcase some green sex toys?
In my opinion, green is one of the best colors for sex toys, but it’s also tragically underrepresented in the sea of standard pinks and purples. To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, I’ve created a roundup of some green sex toys! Enjoy!
Four Leaf Clovers: Toys UNDER THIRTY DOLLARS!
Blush Novelties really did something amazing when they came out with a line of body-safe, dual density dildos that retail on average for around $30. $30! Wow! That’s an amazing price, especially considering dual-density dildos were once notorious for being super expensive and thus out of reach for many people. I have a Neo Elite GLOW dildo in blue, but I’ve definitely got my eye on the green version. These dildos have a bright glow in the dark core that makes you feel like you’re at a rave, or directing planes on an air tarmac. They’re super fun and I love the bright colors, and since green is a color I so strongly associate with glowy rave bracelets, Blush Novelties made an excellent decision to offer green as a color option for their line of glow in the dark dildos. You can get one here!
Fun fact, one of my friends got so pumped up at a rave one time that he just fucking bit open a green glowy rave bracelet. What can I say, he loves music!
Ah…this dildo is just 5.5”, and I think it’s precious. I think shorter, smaller dildos are under appreciated and unfairly written off as “chodes” or “too tiny.” Small dildos, I’m here for you. I love that this dildo is $25, and I also love its cool, semi-translucent green color. It’s like a mysterious stained glass window, or an enchanted lake hidden in a cave. Check it out here!
Maybe you like the color green in the sense of “going green.” It’s not Earth Day yet, but the extremely budget-friendly line of Gaia vibrators are made from a starch based bioplastic, they’re biodegradable, and recyclable. Both a bullet style vibrator and a slim insertable vibrator are available from this line of toys, and both of these inexpensive vibrators are available in a really lovely green that makes me think of springtime. Go green by clicking here and here.
Wow, two textured butt plugs for $15? And they’re GREEN? Nice! I’m not into butt stuff personally, but for experienced anal enthusiasts or someone who’s just getting started, this plug kit offers two different sizes. With two plugs, the kit allows you to work your way up from small to large, enjoy plugging up simultaneously with a partner, or just diversify your anal experience. Check it out here!
From the Emerald Isle: Luxury Green Sex Toys
The original We-Vibe Touch was available in teal, but most recently a sad purple that the We-Vibe Rave is still unfortunately clad in. Someone on the We-Vibe design team had a galaxy brain moment, and decided “hey…why not make it green?” Whoever that person is deserves a raise. The Touch X has improved on the design of the original Touch not just mechanically, but also visually, as it is now available in a luxurious forest green. You can get it at Betty’s Toy Box, ShopEnby, Spectrum Boutique, and LoveHoney!
The Pom looks like a cute little bird, and is designed to be ergonomic and flexible…perhaps not like a real bird. But you know what they say, uh…a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Put the Pom in YOUR bush…or don’t, and feel free to throw tomatoes at me for making a terrible play on words. The avian-themed design of the Pom isn’t just for aesthetic purposes—the “beak” of it provides pinpoint stimulation in addition to the broader stimulation that the rest of the vibrator can provides, making it an adorable AND versatile vibrator. Available at Betty’s Toy Box, ShopEnby, and Spectrum Boutique!
Turn that penis into a greenis! Uh, perhaps that play on words didn’t land very well either. Anyway, Fun Factory’s Manta was designed for use as a penis stroker, but I think it has the potential to work as an extremely multipurpose toy. While I disagree with the idea that penis toys are fundamentally “for men,” I do appreciate that even though Fun Factory markets the Manta as being a toy “for men,” it is mercifully able to avoid making it look like a gamer chair. Seriously, why do so many “sex toys for men” look like gamer chairs? The Manta’s warm, earthy “Moss Green” color option is a welcome alternative to the exhausting “tech bro” design trend that currently plagues penis toys. You can get it at Betty’s Toy Box or ShopEnby !
Fun Factory Patchy Paul G-Spot Vibrator:
God, I love this. It looks like the caterpillar from A Bug’s Life, or a lovable cartoon dragon. The color of the Patchy Paul is so bright and so fun, I feel like I’ve entered into a more positive mood just by looking at it. Plus, look at that texture!
There’s a lot of Fun Factory on this list, but that’s because Fun Factory has good taste and knows that green is one of the best colors for sex toys. The Sundaze is available in a sweet pistachio green color that lives up to its ice cream themed name. Just like how pistachio ice cream is a unique flavor, the Sundaze offers the unique sensations of tapping, pulsing, and thrusting as opposed to just standard vibrations. Treat yourself at Betty’s Toy Box, ShopEnby, Spectrum Boutique, or LoveHoney!
Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day 2021 with Sex Toys
COVID-19 is still raging, so please be considerate celebrating St. Patrick’s Day 2021. Stay home from bars and other public places, don’t attend or host gatherings, and encourage those around you to do the same. Instead of going out and partying, use this list to help you pick out a festive green sex toy to enjoy at home!