MY HISTORY WITH BULLET VIBRATORS
I had tried a few bullet vibrators in the past, but I hated all of them. For a while, I thought I just didn’t like bullet vibrators. But, like most of my early sex toy experiences, my aversion to bullet vibrators was a result of only being exposed to cheap, shitty versions of them. How cheap were they? How shitty? What kind of bullets did I encounter?
READ ON to find out!
JAPAN: THE LAND OF BULLET TRAINS AND A VERY SPECIFIC TYPE OF BULLET VIBRATOR
The first bullet I can remember interacting with was an egg-style corded bullet vibrator that belonged to my shitty abusive ex-girlfriend, referred to in previous posts as my Demon Ex. At the time she and I first started dating, she also had a long-distance boyfriend, an American guy living abroad in Japan.
Pink egg-style corded bullet vibrators are ubiquitous in hentai (Japanese animated porn), as well as in JAVs (Japanese Adult Videos) . My Demon Ex desperately wanted one of these vibrators, both for performance and aesthetic reasons, and her boyfriend at the time was happy to mail her one.
She and I got only a couple months of use out of this vibrator before it came to a tragic end. Admittedly, it died at my own hands. We were having sex in my dorm room, and I foolishly tossed it off the edge of my loft bed. It hit the ground and immediately broke. This was tragic, and also definitely my fault.
I look back on this time period of my life and marvel at the fact that I had sex with someone else in a LOFTED TWIN BED in my dorm room. It didn’t even have guardrails! There was so little space between the bed and the ceiling! Who was I! What was I doing! Thinking that there was once a version of myself that willingly climbed a LADDER to get in and out of bed boggles my mind now.
A “FREE GIFT” IS RARELY GOOD:
For some time after the Japanese vibrator broke, my ex and I had no vibrating sex toys at all. The next vibrating toy was another bullet, and it came into our lives as a free gift. We had purchased a strap-on from an online retailer with my ex’s Christmas money, and the package included a small bullet vibrator as a free gift.
This was a profoundly shitty little vibrator that ran on watch batteries and, if I remember correctly, died on its own accord. One day it just stopped working. I remember it as being buzzy to the point of irritating, so I wasn’t too sad to see it go.
ME, MAKING A MEDIOCRE PURCHASE:
My tumultuous relationship with my ex eventually crashed, burned, and came to a close. After three and a half years of misery, I found myself blissfully single again. For a while after the breakup, I was living with my parents and taking remote college classes, so purchasing any sex toys online was out of the question.
When I needed to take in-person classes again, I moved into a small studio apartment of my own. Here, I would finish out my last semester of college before moving back in with my parents again. The clock was ticking, and I knew if I wanted to buy a sex toy for myself again, I would have to do it before I graduated.
At this point, I started doing some research and reading Dangerous Lilly’s blog. Here, I finally learned about sex toy safety, reputable vendors, and what materials to avoid. For context, this would have been early 2015. While I finally had some knowledge, I still didn’t have a ton of money. As a result, I was limited in what I could purchase.
FIVE DOLLARS WAS TOO MUCH:
Ah, but I should have realized…it’s worth it to save money and wait.
Lilly put the concept of safety into my head, but she couldn’t save me from my own foolishness. I purchased my first safe vibrator, an OVO F3 that has been long since discontinued. It wasn’t great, but it worked decently enough. In order to round out my purchase and get free shipping, I thought it would be a great idea to throw in a cheap little bullet vibrator. It was just five dollars, so how bad could it be?
Answer: pretty bad.
It was body safe, but it was still weak, buzzy, and overall bad at getting me off. Frustrated, I used it a few times, but ultimately just used the OVO since it was much more powerful than the bullet. It was also way easier to hold and control. This bullet died as quickly as the “free gift,” and I didn’t miss it.
BANISHING BULLETS FROM MY LIFE:
After this bullet, purchased in the context of my own bad decision, I convinced myself that maybe I just didn’t like bullet vibrators. I told myself that bullets just didn’t work for me, that I was the type of person who preferred internal stimulation.
Yeah, that’s a fucking lie.
I am a HUGE fan of external stimulation. One of my favorite ways to get off during sex is grinding on my partner’s thigh. When masturbating, half of the time I don’t even take my pants off because it’s so easy to just orgasm externally from the powerful, rumbly vibrators I now have the privilege of owning and enjoying.
BRINGING BULLETS BACK:
The problem was that all of the external bullets I had tried up until that point just sucked ass. I had given up on bullets, having written them all of in my head as being weak and unreliable. But, when my current partner and I started researching sex toys together, a bullet started to seem like a good idea.
There was one bullet vibrator that kept popping up—the We-Vibe Tango. This notorious little bullet vibrator got consistent praise, repeated rave reviews, and seemed to be universally recommended as “the best bullet vibrator.”
Spending $75 on a bullet vibrator seemed like a bit of a stretch, but I…well, I was having a manic episode, if we’re being honest. I’ve got bipolar 2. I get a knee-jerk reaction to drop money sometimes. Plus, I rationalized if by telling myself that I had gone so many years without dropping any money on sex toys. I was investing in my own lost time!
So, did the We-Vibe Tango live up to the praise? Did it change my mind about bullet vibrators?
FIND OUT in my next blog postnext blog post!
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